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According to a study, arguing for money is more predictive of divorce than anything else. Before you start your marriage, you should reach a consensus that marital stability is more important than money.
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Here, we will discuss several ways to help couples deal with the relationship between marriage and money:
1. Broaden your horizons.
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Find common ground on the money view of marriage together. You don’t have to worry about your current situation. The important thing is to form a common value for the future you will build together. The discussion should focus on whether to buy a house, how to live after retirement, whether both husband and wife will go to work after having children, or whether one person will make money and the other person will take care of the family. Your attitude on these issues must be open to each other. It is better for both parties to consider these issues before getting married, rather than arguing after differences arise after marriage.
2. Write down the consensus reached.
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You will be surprised to find that it is very difficult to write clearly the consensus reached. When people communicate, they often only pay attention to what they want to hear. An important prerequisite for the smooth development of the relationship between the two sides is that everyone agrees that what is written on paper really represents the consensus reached by both sides.
3. Take a break.
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If you find that there is too much pressure in the process of reaching a consensus, you should suspend it for a day, a week, or even a month. Remember, the purpose of this is to build a happy family, not just for money.
4. Set goals.
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Once you have reached a consensus and are ready to face more economic problems, try to set some clear long-term goals. If you all agree to pay for your children’s college tuition, please specify how much you want to save for it. Similarly, it should be clear how much money you need to save for retirement and how much budget you need to prepare to buy a house. These goals should be considered in advance when you choose your career. Please remember to focus on the long-term goals rather than who spent more money on lunch today.
5. Take another break.
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If you have written down long-term and specific goals, you are getting along well. This is a great progress. So far, you have reached a consensus and a clear goal. If you still get along well at the moment, you can continue. But if you feel very upset, please take a few days off, or even weeks to adjust, and come back after you recover.
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Now that you have the opportunity to reach a consensus and set clear long-term goals, please review to ensure that you have the same pace in this matter. If you are hesitant, please try to deal with it. Remember, marriage is more important to you than money itself.
7. Establish a set of action plans.
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Now it is time to put it into practice. We should start to discuss how to spend money in our daily life in order to achieve our goals as soon as possible. Usually, newlyweds want to spend half a year or one year to realize their dreams, such as going to Europe to be backpackers, living in Colorado, skiing in winter, hiking in summer, or going to the beach in Mexico to create some good memories together. Even so, it is unwise to borrow money to realize these dreams. You spend money to make your marriage happier. Husband and wife should make a plan to regulate some consumption behaviors so as to achieve the goals you set as soon as possible.
8. Establish a budget.
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A feasible plan usually includes something unpleasant, such as a budget. If some of you don’t like this word, you can put it another way. For example, consumption guidelines, savings goals, etc. No matter what consumption restrictions are, they are all for the same purpose. Find ways that you can all accept to consume in moderation, so as to achieve your consensus.
9. Don’t be penny wise and pound foolish.
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Remember that even if you disagree on the spending budget, you can still maintain a good marriage relationship. Don’t be penny wise and pound foolish.
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For every happy family, nothing is more important than a happy marriage. Define your goal consensus and work together to achieve it. Once you work together on the same thing, you will stop arguing about it.